- Getting older means never having to say you're sorry.

- And if you decide that marriage is right for you, then there's nothing I think more rewarding than having it later in life.

- And I personally would fear the day when I call myself retired because I will be unfortunately, unhappy.

- Insisted that he would care for my grandmother who also had Alzheimer's.

(soft upbeat music) - Welcome to "Getting Dot Older", the new TV series where Americans over 50 share intimate, personal revelations about their experience of aging.

I'm your host, Roberto Mighty.

What's number one on your bucket list?

What's your greatest fear about aging?

As you watch me interviewing people across the country, we're inviting you, watching at home, to participate online by answering questions, sharing stories, letting us know if you're interested in a video call interview and uploading your photos and videos to our official website, gettingdotolder.com.

(bright upbeat music) In this episode, we're gonna meet Steve, the art director.

Allen, the corporate reformer.

Rebecca, the store owner.

Yulan, the dancer and Bob, the educator part two.

We're gonna test your boomer IQ and get some advice about caring for elderly parents.

Looking forward to seeing your comments online and hopefully you'll be inspired to take our Getting Dot Older online survey yourself.

Okay, on with this show, this is it.

Steve grew up in the Boston area.

He was the youngest and always loved drawing.

When Steve was 13, his dad passed away.

His mother later remarried and the family got along great.

A self-described all American hippie, Steve favored long hair and was very political.

Steve went on to become the creative director for a fire safety organization where he took on the role of Sparky the Fire Dog's unofficial dad and helped create and print over 1 billion materials featuring Sparky's image.

I interviewed Steve at his suburban home.

Question number one, getting older means?

- Getting older means never having to say, you're sorry.

- Question number five.

The thing I love most about getting older is?

- The thing I love most about my age is I've learned the difference between something being annoying and something really being a problem.

- Question number 14, tell us a story about an event or transition that made you feel differently about your age.

- This has been an interesting year for me and a growing year because within the past year, my mother passed away.

And one of the feelings I had along with the sadness was that life is finite and that things are finite.

And I was feeling old for the first time.

I truly believed you are as young as you feel but it was making me feel old and down.

And then I realized, I think what made the big difference is I realized that there really isn't anything I couldn't do before that I can't do now.

I might do it a little slower.

It might be a little different but getting older does not stop someone from doing whatever they want.

It is still possible and you are, as the cliche goes, as young as you feel.

- We'll learn more about Steve and his family later this season but what about you?

Are your parents still alive or have they passed away?

How has your relationship with them or with their memory?

Please write and let me know.

Getting Dot Older is conducting some interviews online.

This allows us to share more stories from all over.

Rebecca filled out the Getting Dot Older survey on our website.

I was intrigued by her answers and invited her to do a video call interview for the show.

- Well, I grew up in Southwestern, Pennsylvania, predominantly around Pittsburgh.

Let me see, I had an interesting childhood.

I was sandwiched between two brothers and a father who had a very ethnic ideas about what women should be.

He told me that my brothers needed to have an education but the only education I needed was to marry the right man.

(Rebecca and Roberto laughs) And you know, it was inane then, it's even worse so now and it turns out that he came to apologize to me when I got well into my 40s.

- [Roberto] Wow.

- Yeah.

- Rebecca spent 35 years in the corporate world, primarily in organizational development where she was very successful.

She retired and started her own business, an interior design store.

And one year was awarded Pennsylvania's Best 50 Women in Business.

Well, I'm gonna ask you three fun questions before we get going.

- Okay.

- Thinking back to when you were growing up, I'm gonna ask you what was your favorite movie and why?

Just whatever, the first one that comes to mind.

- I'd say one of "Little Women", I didn't go to many movies but I would say "Little Women" was a favorite book.

- And why is that?

- It opened up the idea of how many different ways you could live as a woman, as a girl, yeah.

- What was your favorite book?

- Well, that would probably be it too.

I mean, it was a book before it was a movie.

So I would say that, well, I read "Up From Slavery".

I read about Harriet Tubman.

I read about the Muskeegee Institute.

When I did my book reports, my mom encouraged me to read about people that made changes in the lives of others.

- Yeah, right.

- Yeah, and I can remember a lot of those book reports.

- Wow, that's great, okay.

What about television show?

Favorite television you know, series or show?

- Oh, I liked The Three Stooges.

(Robert laughing) - Me too.

- Did you like them?

- [Roberto] I loved them, yeah, absolutely.

- I did like The Three Stooges.

- I like Curley, he's just amazing.

- I liked Curley too and you know, what he used to do on his head.

- He'll do those antics and he's like, oh, I can't go whatever with his hand and- - Yes, yes.

- Whatever, yeah, that's was great.

And it is excellent.

If I could go back in time and counsel my younger self, I would tell me to?

- If I could go back in time and counsel my younger self, I would advise living in reverse.

We put so much emphasis on how we must matriculate through life.

And it's very sad because I would travel first because I think it's a wonderful education in and of itself.

I would take formal education second.

Then I would enjoy the rewards and beauty of children.

And last, I would marry.

(Roberto laughing) - Forgive me for laughing, that is so revolutionary.

That is so amazing.

So let's unpack that like, please share your thoughts about that.

I mean, that's really something.

- Well- - Well actually, so you said, why travel, I get that.

You know, the trip, but then let's just go through that list.

And you've got it already in your mind too, so you've thought about this, haven't you?

- Well, I think that we force people to obtain their educational level before they begin living and that is limiting in and of itself.

And then when they get out of college, there's pressure for them to begin to pursue their professions.

So they keep postponing living the world and they're going at it with a perspective of academics.

And then children are so special that when you have them at a point in life where you no longer need to be focused on yourself and you can give fully to them, which is a little bit later in life than your 20s, then that makes sense to me.

And given today's world, the stigma associated with having a child out of wedlock, it doesn't mean that the father can't be present or be participating.

It just means that you don't have to be married.

It doesn't have to be an institution.

And if you decide that marriage is right for you, then there's nothing I think more rewarding than having it later in life when you both are there to have attention for one another solely.

- Fantastic, so what about the possibility that the birth father, if the woman gets pregnant sort of the old fashioned way, what about the possibility that the birth father and the husband might be two different people?

Or were you thinking that might probably the same person or how would you- - No, I think it could be two different people.

I think some people are very, very good at being fathers and I think some men are very good at being husbands.

I don't think that it's the same skillset.

- That is an amazingly powerful thought experiment.

You know, that's really exciting and interesting and I'm sure we'll get letters in this episode.

(Roberto and Rebecca laughing) Which is great, you know, why are you stirring something up there?

- I'm not sure- (Roberto laughs) We'll hear more from Rebecca later in this series including more about her personal life and how she's dealing with a profound life transition.

(bright upbeat music) Allen's career involves critical environmental and social issues and his clients and partners include The World Bank, Fortune 500 companies and international governments.

Alan is also a cancer survivor, a husband, father, and grandfather.

I interviewed him at his home.

(soft upbeat music) - The thing I dislike most about my age now is feeling my mental acuity is intact, perhaps not quite, but as good as it was 10 years ago but still respectable.

At the same time, I and others witness the slow but steady physical demise which will take many many years but nonetheless, one knows that one's body will be moving slower, slowly have one problem or another.

And I dread the day when in fact my head is still very alert but my body simply won't live up to an equal standard of vitality.

- Allen has devoted his entire career to helping make the world a better place.

Starting with the Peace Corps when he was young, all the way up to now focusing on environmental sustainability.

I asked him what he expects to do when he retires.

- Getting older is an evolving concept.

Getting older today, one is 60 or 65 or 70, that pretty much years ago was the end of a productive existence and awaiting the demise, that no longer is the case.

The concept of retirement is an endangered species as people are working longer, they're working part-time.

I count myself among those.

And I personally fear the day when I call myself retired because I will be unfortunately, an unhappy, unsatisfied and unfulfilled individual.

So retirement is not on my agenda.

- We'll hear more from Allen later in the season but what about you?

Are you looking forward to or dreading retirement?

Already retired?

What you doing?

Either way, how is it going?

Please write and let me know.

(bright upbeat music) ♪ Can't you see that look in my eyes ♪ ♪ We're running out of time ♪ ♪ Running out of time ♪ ♪ And you here that I talk to you ♪ ♪ There's something going ♪ The "Getting Dot Older" series includes expert advice for people over 50.

Our growing number of topics includes medicine, elder care, financial services, nutrition, geriatrics, estate planning, and lifelong learning.

Please join me in welcoming Dean Sandra Crewe to "Getting Dot Older".

- Thank you so much, my name is Sandra Edmonds Crewe and I'm the Dean of the Howard University School of Social Work.

And I'm also a professor.

So when I think about what I do is I'm a social worker.

So what I do is I really prepare the next generation of social workers to go out and make a difference in the lives of people.

- So do you see baby boomers taking care of their elderly parents?

- I absolutely do.

I see baby boomers taking care of elderly parents and other elderly relatives.

So it's not just restricted to parent, siblings even.

If you think about sibling caring for each other.

So I see that all the time that is so prolific as we look at the number of baby boomers who are coming through.

So I also see a lot of baby boomers being caregivers for grandchildren.

So I'm seeing that as well.

- But keeping in mind that there are millions of Americans who profess some faith or another, right?

And that would range from Christianity to Judaism, to Islam and to others, there's Sikhism, Hinduism, Buddhism.

Can you just talk a bit briefly please about the role of spirituality in family caregiving and kinship care?

- Absolutely and it does cross different ethnic groups.

It's that core piece that really kinda gives you your guidance and your moral stance.

Who is my moral ground here?

And so, when we think of spirituality, what it does is certainly gives, it outlines our responsibility.

We start again, I'm Protestant by choice and others do the same thing but we started talking about responsibility to our parents and that is our faith walk to be responsible for our parents.

And again, it cuts across different faith groups, how you take care of your elders.

- So do you have any thoughts about this business of the particular model of caring for a spouse with dementia?

- You know, I think my experience and it happens often as a matter of fact, and where you just talk briefly about males have the caregiver roles as well as females having the caregiver role.

And also, my LGBTQI sisters and brothers have really done a phenomenal job with caregiving because of the stigma that was of course, associated earlier but my experience is, spouses are very protective in their caregiving role.

Again, I think I almost have every situation imaginable in my own family where my grandfather insisted that he would care for my grandmother who also had Alzheimer's.

And so, they become very protective of the marriage vows and they see that as a part of their responsibility to do that.

But it does have wear and tear because as they are also caring for the person, they are also having some of the concerns that come with aging.

So they themselves are suffering with some of the same physical limitations as the person that they're caring for sometimes.

And what we have found is also, they neglect caring for self because they are caring for the one that they love so dearly.

- Oh my Gosh, I've seen this and it's so heartbreaking to see someone that you love not taking care of themselves because they're taking care of this other person.

- And then we give them that really unwanted advice.

You gotta take care of yourself and they say, "Well, really" Do you think I don't want to do that."

So rather than to say, you should take care of yourself, you should give them a way of taking care of themselves.

Meaning, here's a gift card that you can order food out.

That would help me take care of myself a little better but we tend to just throw out advice.

You gotta take care of yourself.

You can't let yourself go down because of this.

We have to accept they are going to carry out their responsibilities as husband and wife, husband and husband, whatever the relationship is.

So we have to really honor that relationship.

But we do know that when one spouse goes down, if we're not very mindful, the other one will too because that bond is there.

- We're gonna hear more of my conversation with Professor Crewe later in this series touching on topics like spousal care, elder abuse and things you can do to help someone who is an at-home caregiver.

Now, are you dealing with any of these issues?

Please write and let me know.

Yulan was a teacher and administrator for 42 years and retired with national honors, multiple leadership positions and awards in her field.

But secretly, since she was a little girl, she'd always wanted us to do this one thing but didn't feel she could.

I caught up with Yulan recently and here's what she's doing now.

(bright jazz music) - I started dancing 13 years ago.

During that time because my father was ill was a very difficult time for me.

And my daughter gave me a dance studio certificate and said, "Mom, you probably could use that."

So that's how I started dancing and through dancing I was able to take care of my very sick father for about three and a half years.

And I continued on after my father passed.

So this dancing has been really in me starting as a therapy but as I go on, I don't wanna use the word therapy anymore because if I use for therapy it seems like I need some mental therapy, physical therapy, something wrong with this, wrong that, so now I treat dancing as my self realization.

I always loved dancing, I always loved art form.

And I'm thinking if I can't go through dancing all the way, it is really realizing my dream which I never was able to realize when I was young.

(soft jazz music) - [Roberto] So why couldn't do it as a child?

- Well, I grew up in Taiwan in a kind of society that education really was the number one focus for most of the family.

So in my family, I think my parents wanted me to be successful in studying, in getting up to colleges and then get some good work.

Now it didn't allow me time to do something extracurricular such as dancing or other activities.

So dancing has been something that is in my childhood kind of dream.

And it's always in the back of my head that I always dream myself as a little girl wearing tutu and then dancing on the stage and which was never the case.

So, okay, now at the grown age, I started dancing at age 59 and people probably would not believe it, what?

At 59 you start dancing?

Yes.

(soft jazz music) I wanna tell everybody age 59, this is young.

You can do anything you want to at any age.

So I continued from 59 all the way till now, almost like every time I dance, I dream about that little girl wearing that tutu on the stage, that's me.

- Currently, Yulan practices for and competes in ballroom dancing contests around the country.

We'll hear more from Yulan later in this season.

Bob has retired from a long career as an educator and entrepreneur.

We're interviewing him in a couple of episodes this season.

- What I would say about each age, I think each age has its positives and its negatives.

In a way life can suck the whole way through, it just sucks in different ways.

- In retirement, Bob spends a lot of his time doing photography.

Do you have a hobby you'd like to share?

Please write and let me know.

And if you have pictures or videos of yourself doing your hobby, send them on.

This season on Getting Dot Older, we're gonna meet Jesseca, the artist.

Orin and Bernardo in Hollywood.

Dr. Halima Amjad, an expert on Alzheimer's.

Rochelle on her experience of widowhood.

And Michael on staying active.

(bright upbeat music) Really looking forward to your responses.

Please go to our website and fire up your cell phone or your laptop or whatever device you have for recording yourself or let us know if you're interested in doing a video call interview.

(bright upbeat music)